"Where Words Fail, Music Speaks" - Hans Christian Andersen

A couple of months ago one of my favorite Pre-AP students (yeah, all teachers have favorites and they are liars if they tell you they don't) came up to my desk. I saw him walking up and figured he needed to use the restroom or wanted a piece of lead for his mechanical pencil (because regular pencils won't do for us math nerds). He pulled up the only chair in my room that isn't connected to a desk and asked if I had a second. Now this kid has a history of asking things like "where did the quadratic formula come from" and "will we get to do any Trig this year"? This is the kid who was late to class one day because he was watching Calculus videos online in the library and didn't hear the bell ring. So when he said "Mrs. Jackson, I heard a rumor about you" he had my attention. 

My stomach felt like it was going to fall out of my butt (that's two blog posts in a row with a Mean Girls reference for those who are counting). Oh crap. Are you serious? There's a rumor about me? I mean, I'm completely okay with kids not liking me, but a rumor? Crap crap crap. Am I going to end up on the news?

So I said "Oh really [name redacted due to FERPA]? What did you hear?"

"Mrs. Jackson, I heard that you don't like music."

Phew *wipes imaginary sweat off forehead*. That was a close one. 

The rumor was true. I don't like music. I mean, I'll listen to it in the car and when I'm with other people. And of course I can rap a mean "Grillz" by Nelly, but who can't? But it's true. I don't like music. I have never bought a song off iTunes. All the CDs I have ever owned have been gifts. Sometimes I drive in silence (but I think this has more to do with me being a high school math teacher that craves silence sometimes than someone who doesn't like music) and I enjoy it. I even had a guy that I liked in high school tell me that if he could change one thing about me, he would make me like music more. I decided that answer was better than saying he would change the way my face looked or something, so I took it as a win. 

Whenever I tell someone this they usually freak out- especially my students. So many people will say things like "I love music so much", "music is my life", or "I don't know what I would do without music". Well I know what I would do- continue living my life the way I have. 

A few months ago Kyle made me listen to the song "Oceans" by Hillsong United. I thought it was okay, but I, like McKayla Maroney, was not impressed. 

Fast forward a couple of months.


I was still a mess a few days after we were told we couldn't adopt. I texted my friend Morgan and told her that I needed a distraction- a night of Hobby Lobby, carbs, and no adoption talk. On my way over to her house that night "Oceans" came on the radio. I realized I had never really listened to the lyrics. It has a line that says about God "You've never failed and You won't start now". I became a puddle. I pulled over to the side of the road and cried. I pulled up the song on YouTube (an action previously reserved for "Grillz") so I could hear it again. I sat on the side of the road and listened to the song a couple of times. 


I prayed that I could believe in the words that I was singing. That I could truly believe that He never failed and He won't start now. That He would lead me where my trust was without borders and I would go wherever He called me. He had already taken me further than my feet could ever wander, but I prayed He would take me even further. 

I know that Bible verses can have a different application than their original meaning, but I never thought about that with songs. If this song doesn't apply to people fighting to continue an international adoption gone wrong, then I don't know what does. Below are the lyrics- have a looksie for yourself. 

You call me out upon the waters

The great unknown where feet may fail

And there I find You in the mystery

In oceans deep

My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name

And keep my eyes above the waves

When oceans rise

My soul will rest in Your embrace

For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters

Your sovereign hand

Will be my guide

Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me

You've never failed and You won't start now

So I will call upon Your name

And keep my eyes above the waves

When oceans rise

My soul will rest in Your embrace

For I am Yours and You are mine

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever You would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Savior

I will call upon Your name

Keep my eyes above the waves

My soul will rest in Your embrace

I am Yours and You are mine

If more songs gave me hope and challenged me at the same time like this one does, I might be inclined to start listening to more music. 

Adoption update: there isn't one. We are still homeless (or agency-less), as we are still waiting on all that paperwork to go through like we were the last time I gave an update. We have completed our home study and will begin our dossier as soon as we sign on with our agency. Please pray with us.

On another adoption-related note, our pastor and his wife recently adopted their second daughter from China and she has been in the hospital for almost a month. You can read Ginny's or Trent's blogs here. I know they covet your prayers.