345 Days

I would like to apologize in advance for the lack of witty and sarcastic humor you have come to love me for. This is an incredibly emotional subject for us.

About this time last year, I had the following-ish conversation with students in my 7th period when I told them we are in the process of becoming foster parents:

Student 1: Why are you doing this?
Me: My husband and I feel like this is what we are supposed to do.
Student 2: That's gonna suck.
Me: What? Why?
Student 2: It's gonna be so hard. Why don't you just have your own kids?
*sidenote: doesn't the bluntness of teenagers just warm your heart?*
Me: This isn't about our kids. It is about kids who need someone to help them.
Student 2: Yeah but what about when you have to give them back? It is going to be so hard.
Me: Just because something is hard doesn't mean it's not worth doing.
Student 3: Woah Mrs. Jackson, that's deep.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! Oh Kacee!!!! You're so funny!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Little, naive, precious, idealistic Kacee. You had no idea what you just said! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! The joke's on you, SUCKER!!!!!!!!!


New Years Day we got an email asking if we wanted to foster a 2 year old African American male. About three hours later this little nugget showed up at our house and our lives changed forever.

Kyle and I had no idea what we were doing, but knew when he called us "Mommy" and "Daddy" we were doing what we were supposed to. We went into fostering with the mindset of adoption. From day 1 we looked at Mark like he was our son and loved him that way.


Here are some things about him and us that you may not have known:


We struggled to do his hair. JK. I am sure you knew that.

He got more and more adorable every day

Our family fell in love with him and treated him as if he had always been part of our life

Our friends did the same

And he was a toddler who did toddler things- like cry when we washed his blanket and were mean enough to not let him in the dryer with it

Or made him get off of a ride when it was over

We took him to all the fun "kid" places and he loved them all

Kyle finally had someone to match with, since I refuse

He loves being silly and making people laugh

Fun fact: these are my actual glasses from 4th grade

He has THE most precious face in the world

Bikes are his favorite

If he could live in the water, he would

The kids from our youth group love him

  He is our family

                                            

Our "normal" changed to a new one, and we loved it.

Until last Monday, when we got word it would change again. We found out he would be leaving us to go live with a family friend. I can't think of a word to describe the heartbreak we felt when the judge said their last name instead of ours. My heart sank. Tears immediately came. I started ugly crying in a way that would put Kim Kardashian to shame. We both took the week off to spend with him. We did all of his favorite things and soaked up every moment. 

Yesterday we took him to the CPS office and told him bye. It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, and I think I can speak for Kyle and say the same for him. The people he is with are nice people, but they aren't us. It has been about 30 hours without him, and it hasn't been the same. We longed so much to adopt him, and it hurts so badly to have him ripped from us. We are supposed to get visitation, and the decision on where he will permanently live has not been decided yet. When dealing with CPS, we have come to find that you never know what to expect. What we have been told on many different topics has not come true, so we really cannot speculate the future. 

What can you do?

-Pray. Pray that he will come back and we will be his forever family. It hasn't even been a day and a half yet, and our hearts are yearning for him. Pray for Kyle and myself to figure out what our life now looks like without him. We are both going back to work and don't even remember how it was before Mark. Pray he is doing well with the other family. We only want what is best for him. While we obviously think that is us, we still want him to be happy and have a great life wherever he is. 

- Let us grieve. Allow Kyle and myself space to figure this out on our own.

What shouldn't you do?

-Ask us questions. Its not that we are hiding anything, or don't want you to be part of this journey, but usually the questions people ask only bring up things that we don't want brought up. If we want to tell you something, we will. 

- Act different around us. Yes we are broken, but treating us that way will not allow us back into some normalcy. If we want to talk about this situation, then we will bring it up. Please don't ask how we are doing, or if there is anything you can do for us. Allow us to make the call on when we talk about it, or if we don't.


- Tell us what great people we are for fostering. I had a conversation with a fellow foster mom while we were still doing our training. I was telling her how people acted like we were such wonderful people when they found out we were fostering. Her reply was "I know, right? People act like we are superheroes. We are just following God's will for our life, and I don't think that makes us superheroes." There are so many better people out there than us. Please don't put us on a pedestal, because we definitely don't deserve to be on one.

We had Mark for 345 days and pray that we will have him a million more soon. Thank you for taking this journey with us.